Slow
by Seven To Finish
Summary: The war is over, Zell misses how things were before when Seifer wasn't enemy number one. Squall comforts him hinting that maybe Seifer isn't so far gone after all.


Slow

"Ow. Shit. Ow." Zell looked into the spray of water as he tried to keep his eyes open. As if the burn would make it go away faster. As if the water could wash away more than dirt.

The shower was the only place he could still get away with crying - no one could hear him, no one could distinguish tear tracks from the water stream, and no one could actually prove his red eyes weren't from his soap.

Yeah, he was a big huge baby. So what? And at this late hour, he probably didn't need to hide. But, old habits die hard when borne of humiliation. He would never make the mistake of crying in front of anyone. Ever again.

Zell closed his eyes and let the warm water run down his body. He hunched over and let the water beat against his neck, soothing the muscles that had been tense for what felt like months. He was so relaxed, Zell jumped when he heard the shower next to him begin to spit out water.

"Fuck, man! You scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here?"

Leonhart shrugged and threw his towel over the tile wall. "Getting clean. Same as you."

"Commanders don't even get their own showers?" Zell asked, incredulous.

Squall shook his head negative.

"That's bullshit." Zell quickly rubbed his hands over his face, hiding any residual evidence. "And I thought being a SeeD would have more perks. Why should anyone bother trying to work their way up the SeeD rankings?"

Squall frowned at him. "Honor," he replied flatly, as if Zell should know better. And that, apparently, was that. And of course he was right. Squall turned away from the now feeling chastised blonde and adjusted his water temperature. Zell stared at him wondering how one person could be so damn principled, so damn competent, so damn perfect.

In fact, Zell was still staring at him when Squall stepped into spray and let the water flow over his body, making his skin wet and shine like silver. Making him look even more flawless and beyond reproach. It had to be an error in Hyne's judgment making someone so beautiful be a man in the first place. But to also be a great fighter, a diplomatic genius, and to be cold, so damn cold to human contact. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fucking fair.

But life wasn't fair, was it? That's what they always say. Zell always thought that was bullshit. Maybe mother nature wasn't fair, but people… they always had a choice.

Squall was looking at him, curiously.

"Is the party over?" Zell asked, hoping to draw more conversation out of Squall. Out of someone who should treat Zell like he was more than just an acquaintance. They grew up together. Didn't that mean anything? They should be the best of friends. They were practically brothers!

"No." Squall rubbed the soap slowly over his chest. "You didn't go?" He asked Zell.

"Fuck no." He shook his head vehemently. "It's sick. Seifer was…" well, "Seifer was an asshole." He threw his hands in the air. "But we grew up with him! Doesn't that mean anything to anyone? How can they celebrate his death?" Zell scrunched his face as if he had the foulest taste in his mouth. "It absolutely disgusts me."

Squall shrugged. "Shit happens. Life sucks."

Did he…? Zell closed his eyes, shook his head as if to clear it from the largest pile of manure ever dropped on him, then opened his eyes to stare in wonder at Squall. Did he really just vomit the tritest piece of bullshit all over Zell's misery? Because if so… No, that would be a bad idea. No. Zell knew he should drop it. Seriously, he should just fucking drop it. It would only be really bad if he didn't drop it. Damn, if he was anyone else, anyone with any brains, he would just fucking drop it. But… "How the fuck can you just say something like that?"

Squall's eyebrows furrowed in question.

"How can you be so fucking cold?" Zell asked, pausing and getting nothing but an inquisitive look from Squall. "How can you care so little? Do you feel nothing?" He shook his head again. This whole night has felt like a knife through his heart. "I know you hated Seifer, but we've all known each other for fucking ever, man! That means something! That's as close as family as we have." Zell's eyes filled again, and he turned into the water. Fucking tears. Fucking Squall. Sometimes he acts just as bad as Seifer did. Why'd he have to come in here, anyway?

Zell felt a warm hand on his shoulder, the fighter in him quickly turned around and he was just as quickly filled with apprehension. There was no telling what Squall might do. Zell froze as the naked brunette stood toe to toe with him. He stared up into ice blue eyes, wondering if they would be the last thing he saw before dying. "Not so cold," Squall said before wrapping his lips over Zell's.

Zell's eyes widened and he tried to speak but Squall just used his open mouth as an entryway for his tongue. Zell had always thought that Squall had never been kissed, who'd be brave enough to try? So it was shocking that someone obviously had, and had done it enough times for Squall to learn to kiss so well, to be so experienced, he could make your knees weak at the joints.

But the fact that Squall was a great kisser wasn't nearly as shocking as the other realization. Zell pushed him back so he could catch his breath; so he could speak. "Squall…? Are you gay?"

"No," he answered simply. He placed his hands on Zell's hips, pulled him forward and kissed him again. Oh yeah. Zell liked it when he found girls like this, girls that acted as greedy as he felt. This time Zell returned the kiss and snaked his arms around Squall's perfectly formed torso. Oh, it felt so good. Wait.

"This isn't gay?" Zell asked, breathlessly. "This has to be gay."

"No. This…," he paused and looked away as he seemed to be looking for a way to explain, or looking for something, but he never let go of the blonde. He shook his head, then turned and looked Zell in the eyes. "This is just better than crying."

Well, he had a good point there - although it wasn't much of an explanation. Still, his eyes said more than his words did. Just go with it. They pleaded for understanding, even though Squall knew Zell understood nothing. He never did. He always needed things spelled out for him. He tried to keep up with Squall, but it was hard. He was always five steps ahead. Still, he did his best to go with it.

"Yeah." Zell stood on his toes, "better," he whispered against Squall's lips, coaxing them back into play. Squall's tongue dragged against his lips in response, and he opened wide to invite him in. He could think while they kissed. Oh yeah, or he could just open his mouth wider. So, so, so good. Zell groaned. This was so bad.

Squall's hunger was so strong. Zell never would have imagined passion like this existed in him. He whimpered at the intensity of his kisses. Squall was consuming him and he never knew how bad he would want it like that. It had to be gay.

"Back up." Squall pushed his hips back meeting resistance Zell couldn't help giving him. His dick wanted to push forward and his dick almost always won over his brain. He stopped pushing forward when Squall wrapped his soapy hand around him, combining their hard dicks into one unit.

"This is so gay." Zell couldn't waiver on the line of denial anymore. This was beyond comfort.

"Shh." Squall kissed him lightly and began pumping his fist. "…like brothers."

Gay brothers maybe. But this was closer he'd ever been to Squall and as much as his heterosexualness was screaming foul play, his body and heart were responding with an aching fervor. Damn the war. Damn the cunts who were partying it up. And damn Seifer for dying.

"Unguh," Zell gargled deep in his throat as he wrapped his arms tightly around the brunette's neck as he continued pumping his erection. This was going so fast, so fast, so fast. Yes, fuck yes. No. Ooooh, too fast. Zell tensed as his dick pushed hard into Squall's hand and came. He felt dizzy from it all, the strangeness, the heat, the embarrassingly intense orgasm for a heterosexual in a gay experience that came out of nowhere. But Squall held him soundly and never let him fall. And Zell thought for sure he heard Squall breathe, "Seifer," as the brunette threw his head back and came in his own hand.

Even after it was over, they continued to stand there, holding each other, silent except for the sound of water hitting them and the tile around them, and their heavy breathing. Until it all just became too awkward.

Zell backed away and stared at the floor. "Uh, Squall, listen-"

"Save it. Seifer's not dead," Squall cut him off, looking annoyed.

"Huh?" It was so hard to keep up with Squall. The statement seemed so foreign and come from completely out of nowhere that Zell had to take a second to catch up. "Wait. How do you know? Have you seen him?"

Squall shook his head to the negative, but "he's hiding in Balamb." Squall looked Zell in the eyes again. "He's watching me." His eyes were saying more, but Zell still didn't understand.

"What are you talking about? What's going on, Squall? This is all just," Zell shook his hands in frustration, "weird! And you don't make any sense!"

The extremely vague and aggravating brunette grabbed his towel and smiled. It was small, but it was definitely a smile. As if Zell didn't have enough new information to process tonight.

"It doesn't matter. And you're not sad anymore, right?" He dried himself off. Brushing off the water like he was brushing off Zell.

"What. Happened. Here. Tonight?" Zell demanded as plainly as he could, finger pointing down, punctuating each syllable in hopes that Squall could not evade this question. If he did, it would be extremely obvious and Zell would call him on it.

Squall sighed and looked at Zell. "I'm forcing an inevitable confrontation." He turned and walked away, leaving the blonde to stand unmoving, like a statue. However, the wheels were still moving, turning round in his head, and he wasn't entirely stupid.

Shit. Shit. And more shit! Zell ran to where Squall was getting dressed. He stood there dripping wet, and mad. And now hyperventilating. "He is going to kick my ass, Squall!" Zell had been the ploy in the games girls played enough times to recognize it by now.

"I would never let him." Squall replied, angrily. Honestly offended, as he slipped a boot on. It gave Zell much needed relief. He sighed.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Squall shrugged. "I'm telling you now."

Well. Not really… but it was as close as anyone could get to Squall. Except for maybe, Seifer?

Squall walked out of the locker room without another word. Zell sat on the cold bench still dripping wet but he could hardly feel it now. So much had happened, and so little had been said. Zell usually preferred things the other way around.

The blonde smiled and began to look for dry clothes. He realized what Squall had just done. He'd taken care of Zell and made Seifer jealous at the same time. Son of a bitch was always multi-tasking! Zell laughed out loud in the empty locker room. Damn if he wasn't good at everything. It just wasn't fair.

Zell stopped where he was standing and frowned. Wait a second. "To make Seifer jealous, that means Seifer would have to be here. Wouldn't it?" He asked into the empty room.

"Yes," came the room's dark reply.

Shit.


End file.
